the greatest thing, you'll ever learn ... is just to love and be loved in return

My sweet prince … was this weekend past | a dream | a reality | or something in between on a completely different level of consciousness | the longing, the intense feelings of togetherness, the physical, the loving, the exhilaration of being in each others presence | the holding of hands in the crowds of humanity who know not our deepness and emotional inter connectivity | my joy is your joy is our joy | my kiss is yours …

Inception | the movie | was strangely and coincidentally symbolic of our weekend and Exit through the Gift shop was a reminder that what is seen on the surface betrays a complexity in the depths of experience that few perceive

That is us

Opening the door | moving from my Tasmanian ‘room’ to my ‘Douglas’ room and back again | I can’t wait for the door to open again …

are families natural?

this morning I saw my mother for the 1st time in 16 months | words can't articulate the visual impact of a parent weighing 39 kilos | who is 63 and looks 93 | the need to present a relaxed and understanding face to my mother under these circumstances requires immense self control

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she looks absolutely awful | today has been an intense reality check and confirmation how mortal we all really are | I hugged her in her chair and all one could feel were skin and bones | we talked for about an hour | updating each other as what is happening around the traps |she is eating some food and liquids | still so visually challenging | how challenging this must be for her at her youngish age | such a conflicting image of the vibrant, beautiful and stylish young woman I always remember my mother being

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I am naturally taking a leadership role with my siblings | am organising a gathering next Saturday afternoon so all interested parties are together | effectively bringing together for the first time in 3 years all of us

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I miss Douglas so much and the difference between my relationship with him and observing other siblings relationships ... | the contrast is extreme | how did I end up with such a beautiful and intelligent person in the form of Douglas? | I am truly blessed

gates of paradise

autumn in Tasmania has left us finally | our arcadian paradise reached new heights of serenity and beauty after 8 years of waiting for this achievement | enjoy

“when you’re fighting off the alligators, it’s hard to remember you were trying to drain the swamp”

a fascinating week in Australian history in a macro sense [1st female prime minister] and some micro ‘rent asunder’ moments at the micro level for oneself

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having just returned last Tuesday morning on the Spirit of Tasmania from Melbourne | that ship can only be described as a floating RSL | I was required to front up to a conciliation session with the Australian Human Rights Commission in the afternoon | needless to say the content of the session must forever remain confidential | however the process, the experience and the outcome of that journey has acted as a shocking and immediate catalyst for re-evaluating one’s professional life and the phenomenal level of commitment I have made to my existing leadership role within the organisation I work for

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that evening my oldest sister contacted me, in some panic, indicating that our mother has been starving herself to facilitate her own death | now I am good in a crisis and went immediately into task focus mode | putting all emotions into an intellectual glove compartment until I could determine the seriousness of the situation and what I was going to do

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in a strange but epiphany-like way the personally and professionally unsatisfying experience of the Australian Human Rights Commission earlier | provided a turning point in the priority I needed to give family, friends, Douglas and myself | consequently I had no hesitation in deciding to make plans to go to South Australia and if necessary be with my mother and siblings in her final days or weeks

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Douglas has been a model partner throughout the week and what can I say | he is the best!

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My work life now takes about 4^th place in my life and being away ffrom Tasmania for sometime will provide an opportunity to re-evaluate what I want to do in this area for the next year or so | having invested a phenomenal amount of time, intellectual endeavour and intellectual warfare and sheer hard work into my role for the last year | I feel it has been like pushing shit up a hill all the way | is it worth it in the long term? | it is particularly sobering to remind oneself that when you leave an organisation you only have about a 3 to 4 month history after you leave | then you effectively disappear and really didn’t matter …