get your face out of my coconut ruff . . .

. . . how exquisite it is when the unwritten intellectual & experiential intimacies between two people can reduce them to hopeless uncontrollable laughter & mirth with statements such as the above | we spent many a moment in mirth ... | a partner & mate who can still break me up into side splitting laughter is a treasure beyond definition

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it is said that context is everything | & this weekend through to today was a period of fast paced socialising & longer periods of serene quiet with episodes of unbridled lust & desire | languid in each others arms & wallowing in a certain kind of masculine sharing | yes, my douglas graced the shores of elba & the lips of the islands prisoner

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always when driving from the airport after our goodbyes | a piece of music will play that cajoles those bittersweet feelings | farewell, distance, intensity of emotional connection, temporary loss | love ... for all it's inadequacy as a word | tears will well up, the taste of salt & I relish in that bittersweet stuff | the melancholia of absence & the joy of return ...

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contributing to the sense of romance & serenity is that spring in tasmania is upon us | that first sense of warm on your back from the sun | the inky blue sky as the sun is setting, promising still summer nights to come ... of sensuous times ahead ... | of eating amongst the beauty & linearity of our somewhat overly designed garden paradise for months on end ... check out da garden at drum house

pathos as physical pain

for 3 years i have put off watching 'brokeback mountain' | a pattern of mine to ignore perceived popular culture experience until i want to consume it | for some reason i came across shorts of the film on youtube & got hooked into the film & bought it mid last week

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strangely i have been seeking a cathartic crying experience for several weeks | not easy being an emotional control freak & i kinda believed that if i watched this film the catharsis would occur & i would experience the needed crying

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putting off watching the film until last night | i hopped into bed & glued myself to the laptop from beginning to end ...

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the result was one of intense physical pain ... in my chest, the oddest feeling of both emotional torture as the observer & of a profoundity that hasn't yet left me | i don't buy into love stories & believe the word is so ridiculously inadequate for the plethora of feelings one can have for another | i actually didn't see it as a love story but as a tragedy so personal, so near experienced by myself, so invisible to the world and such a intimate grief | a real sense of the experience of being an other in the world | & i don't believe that unless one has spent a significant amount of one's life being an óther' that real understanding of the gravity of this pathos occurs

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perhaps some of this is the projection on the film by myself, of the exquisite pain of intense feelings for another & how shockingly close one can be to having that rent asunder by fate or circumstances | all i could think about today is of the monumental & indefinable level of grief i would experience if my man disappeared, died or was taken away from me suddenly | i realise that we are separated physically, often, with occasional re-unions of passion, lust & emotional intensity, most likely all the way through until to the end of 2009 ... perhaps this also contributes

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but to even contemplate that i may never see or be with him again due to some freak of fate | stops me dead in my tracks ... | it is immobilising me & makes all other cares in life seem irrelevant

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i had coffee with my great friend wendy today & she made the observation that her view of us is one of a highly entwined emotional connection that is rarely seen | interestingly enough a number of friends have commented that they would hunt us down & kill us both if we ever broke apart | douglas & i seem to have created some unique phenomena that elicits this fervour of threat by others ... i feel both empowered & frightened & scared | my emotional resilience & my "i am an island" psychological view of self has been significantly dented

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i would have not believed a cinematic experience would lead me in this direction

enjoyment in july

after 4 weeks of this new management role i can finally say i had an enjoyable day | it is a tough assignment ... not the toughest i have had and only 6 months to facilitate so much that i believe needs to be done | am finding some tasmanian government organisations and particularly in this instance seem to be a time machine journey backwards, 15 if not 20 years

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am distinctly missing my man this week, even though i hardly have enough energy after work to mumble more than a few syllables | am missing the physical closeness, the warmth & the hilarity of our day to day lives

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but relief is in sight this weekend as the hairy D touches down on Elba bringing relief, great wine & company the not to be sniffed at, delicious physical pleasures of intimate understanding ... lol ... & enjoyment

birthday men | droo

it was my great mate's birthday a week ago | a mercurial, amusing & handsome fella i have known for not even 2 years yet but who has had an influence on my thinking & life that he is not even aware of | we see each other occasionally as i pass his abode every march & sometimes in melbourne when visiting for male to male or male to many males primal experiences | droo & i share a love for the word cunt & he is the only gen Y fella i really know | i will no doubt spend the rest of my life trying to see inside a gen Y brain, ouch! ... he is the guinea pig | heh droo ... thanks for just being droo

birthday women | janiece

it is my great friend Janiece's birthday this july | we went to Uni together & were both viewed as a bit wacky by most | she is the only person to make me laugh with a mouthful full of cheesecake & the result being a large projectile spray of cheesecake granules & biscuit base over the front window of a neat adelaidean cafe for all on the street & inside the cafe to see | Janiece is my closest link to the Empress Eugenie of France, caus she looks like her love child! lol | happy birthday to such an important friend of which no subject is verbotten & who i miss dreadfully on my island paradise

birthday women | judy

it is my great friend Judy's birthday this july | a former employee who's joie de vive knows no bounds | we clicked the day we met & have been touchstones for each other & helped each other discover that men & careers are a fine balance & that 'teams' in the workplace are a crap concept way past its use by date ... we both believe in benevolent aesthetic facism as a leadership approach | Judy is my only link to Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis as she is her love child, true! | happy birthday to JB & much love & affection to a friend who has been so supportive & ready to wisk me off to the latest & grooviest eateries & bars of Melbourne ... miss you awfully

phrases not sentences

after much cajoling from mates of mine, virtual & physical, i have scheduled time in to update | but not in a long winded way | am going to use the traditional literature form of arab culture & use phrases to communicate rapidly! | read Naguib Mahfouz and you will understand

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listened to Camille Saint-Saens 3 movement from his Organ Symphony this morning & cried | finished Anne de Courcy's sometimes light but galloping newly published bio of Lord Snowdon & discovered another human being who, like me, compartmentalises his life | am nursing 2 dogs & 1 cat after a job lot, group discount on desexing on Thursday & all are languorous, sad, resentful & planning revenge in my absence | am completely shattered by my new mega $ management role & mustn't fall into past behaviour of letting it control not only my waking but also my non-waking hours | the beautiful douglas spent last weekend with a shell 'shlocked' me | my mate ian moved out to work & live in bendigo | am alone again & enjoying the hermit like existence & raking leaves whenever there is light on this island | haven't thought of sex or smiled at any hot pulp mill worker for 5 days until right now ... aw shit, that's my reflection! lol | saw sex n the city ... yawn really, as it was a bit lame & i was not convinced of 'big's character | he being my favourite character as i am so like him | went with my female alta ego Wendy [see below] my intellectual sparring partner so naturally we picked the script to death but did laugh at all the right places, although no one else in the audience did | does that mean gen y & 'gen-lite' don't get irony? | maybe USA cultural imports are finally inflitrating to the core of the ironic australian psyche | caus in my experience, admittedly of many USA men [rephrase ... beefy hot but ultimately dull men] , the irony thing just don't happen with em!

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participated in a landmark Tasmanian community engagement project yesterday as a 'living book' as part of the 'living library launceston' program | my book title is 'not the only gay in the village' | talk about being popular! | 3 people 'read' me in the space of 2 hrs ... felt like being on an extreme chat show where the audience does the interviewing & not some tedious baby boomer presenter | a fantastic & rare opportunity to dispel some myths about a gay man who ain't 100% gay

knowing what you want

a tough day of analysing what i want re work | da money or da gun? | being sick & pathetic with a head cold, tedious as that is, is no excuse not to resolve my situation | had been offered a fantastic role but at the bottom rung of salary ... piss off! | i haven't reached the age of 43 without a bucket load of skills, knowledge, competencies, corporate & govt management experience & a track record of producing the best teams & change management scenarios

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am experiencing that contemporary experience of the ápple isle' | amateurism | & here is an opportunity for me to lead & change to the benefit of a whole lot of people however for some reason the decision makers can't see back beyond the previous 18 months, as if one didn't have any success on the big northern island ... | tomorrow is D day

a man & a man & a love affair

for the last 3 days i have had the pleasure of spending much of my time in the furrie arms of my dream still true | the handsome douglas

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words, as limited as they can sometimes can be, to describe our time together would include | lust . wine . rope . gardens . indiana jones . furr . masculinity . embrace . luv . passion . warmth . saint-saens . chests . ink . omlettes . dogs . intensity . restraint . fires . electric blankets . icecream . romance

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the most important physical pleasure for us is to hold hands ... always ... love to D forever

4 jUne 200eight

obama in ... hillary somewhere ... extraordinary | long overdue & perhaps proof that rhetoric over experience wins the minds of many | very Elizabeth I who's ability to call upon the skills of rhetoric, she learned under the tutelage of tutor Robert Ascham in the 16th century, ensured a place in history, even if she was variable in her monarchial skill

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the matching of rhetoric & emotional intelligence far outweighs years of experience | experience doesn't always prepare you for the unknown | emotional intelligence always does | if you keep having the same experience, you will also repeat the same mistakes

intense week

whoa | intense week of outcomes, milestones, deadlines, committees, planning, unplanning, creating havoc & so on

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i left Sydney & Melbourne & the corporate intensity of both to spend a couple of years planting gardens | being with the man i love, adore, challenge & love even more | & renovating this historic pile bricks we call 'home' | now with my man in Melbourne & me on the green isle @ the bottom of the planet | i am now considering re-entering the 'fray' of higher level management & people leadeership ...

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i have had the needed rest from it all for 4 years & am energized to jump in again & excite a new group of people | the years away have also enabled me to reflect on what i am great at, less great at & what i should avoid ... lol | this i believe is called wisdom | am also feeling fairly damn self confident these days in terms of what i want, need & want | is that arrogant? or is wisdom arrogant? | whatever!

bill henson II

reading all of the hyperbolic & semantic tardiness that passes for much, but not all, journalism in Australia's Saturday morning newspapers | it is with some intellectual & yes, elitist pleasure, because we are all elitists of some sort, that The Australian | yes ... shocked aren't you! | has published a short, factual, rational, reality-check article on the Bill Henson fracas | that has Australia's third rate politicians in another mini-moral panic

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http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23749126-16947,00.html

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and this person 'Hetty etc' ... perhaps she could rationally explain to the Australian populace where the child abuse element is in all of this? | í see art, therefore i abuse'? | i wonder statistically, how many of the 65,000 individuals who saw the Henson exhibition at the Art Gallery of NSW in 2005 [not sure of the year], including myself | after the exhibition went home and abused children

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you see, that is why even governments in the Westminster parliamentary setup are answerable to the legal system | and ain't that a good thing

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i am looking forward to the day 'Hetty intellectual free-zone' will have mud on her face | & sadly & morally no child would have been saved from the horrors of abuse in Australia over the whole stunt | now explain the morality of that?

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by the way the photograph is mine & i have copyright over it

bill henson

what the fuk is going on in Australia? | turn your back for 5 minutes & suddenly one of internationally recognised, leading, boundary pushing artists is having his exhibition closed down & possibly charged with child pornography & the gallery being charged as well? | & Rudd & other pussy politicians including that underwhelming charisma free zone Iemma who wouldn't know mind changing art if it fuked them up the arse are going 'terrible' 'disgusting' etc


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i don't whether to be embarrassed as an Australian [but that's a bit nationalistic for me] or go wank in public in front of parliament house in canberra | would probably be arrested for being an 'ugly' installation


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what is it about this week that makes me believe in some instances, that this country is sometimes very fuked! | europeans, the chinese & the south americans in their higher plane approach to contemporary art ... this wouldn't even 'blip' on the media landscape outside of the inner sanctum of art whoredom | & now Brendon 'the irrelevant' has decided that contemporary art is unaustralian? what next? lol


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give me berlin NOW!

facts + art = cash

i read this article on news.com.au today | a site that often pushes me to a level of foul mouthed verbal fury, mostly based on irrelevant mock journalism & the deadshits who blog on the articles | well ... guilty! | i'm officially a deadshit ... a tasmanian deadshit too! cause I have blogged the article | i hope i piss them off!

i had to respond to this with the comments below & have also written a letter to the editor of the mercury, with the comment below | a low quality fish wrapper that tries to pass as informed intellectual discourse on the green isle | puhh!

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http://www.news.com.au/mercury/story/0,22884,23734109-5007221,00.html

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ok folks, get a grip. been to Bilbao? I have. Been to the Guggenheim in Bilbao? I have. The impact of Frank Gehry's Art Gallery on the economy of a run down industrial centre has been incredible.

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Facts + art = cash, & Bilbao doesn't have the visual splendor of Hobart. Art is money folks, wake up! Art is economics, it brings cash, it spends cash, it generates cash. Art is business. Whether through the art blockbusters or through the collections or architecture, people will come.

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There are plenty of people who will travel to anyplace in the world to see a world class gallery, look at the ABS figures, give yourself a reality check. More Australians consume cultural product like art & libraries than attend sport.

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Apartment building does not generate ongoing cash for the economy or government. Art is a license to print cash. Parking at the Guggenheim, you don't! You either get off ya arse & walk to it or use the disability friendly light rail. Oh & Rodney Cappa of Margate, your tourist market argument don't wash with the millions & millions who visit the EU when the exchange rate sucks for the tourists, they still go. Those who bitch about `big money', well throughout history, `big money' built palaces, pyramids, gardens, galleries, stately homes and heritage buildings, which I notice with some glee that millions & millions of so called `plebs' pay good $$ to visit. Linda Brennan, do ya blockbusters research before making `gambling' comments. Get ya facts right, better still, get the facts!

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Lastly, Dave Roberts, you need to do ya sums on a fish & vegetable markets, more patronage? Don't think so mate.

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If you want average, you get average and surely there is enough average in Tasmania already.

my latin fuk up

based on a recent enquiry from my mate ashlee in melbourne http://dankmonster.blogspot.com/ as to the meaning of ''et arcadia ergo sum'' | the pretentious & inaccessible title of this blog | well pretentious & inaccessible for everyone else but me | i hopped onto wikipedia to confirm & re-acquaint myself of the ''arcadian'' implications of this latin expression ...which was my desire to choose it in the first place http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_in_Arcadia_ego

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schlock! horror! ... i have misquoted the expression! | in fact i have left out 1 word for the latin to make sense | so this is global virtual web2 humiliation on a planetary scale ... for those who care | probably only myself on a cool sunny tuesday in mid autumn on this island at the bottom of the planet | the expression should say "et in arcadia ergo sum" & was originally based, title-wise, on Nicolas Poussin's particularly tedious painting in the Musee Louvre of a similar title

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the pathetic issue for me is that this is also the title of a 6 metre textile & sculptural installation i created in 2006 for a touring exhibition that has only just finished touring in february 2008! | oh the shame, the humiliation, the credibility issues, the integrity, the critics! http://flickr.com/photos/gwcc64/sets/72157601424272907/

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as my man douglas would say "whatever!"

osorkon II

during my university days in a decade that is often seen as the nadir of bad taste | i went without food for a week to purchase a statue of osorkon II [874–850 BC - 22nd dynasty]| a pharaoh of not overwhelming good looks but enough gravitas to join my eclectic collection of useless objects | in the 90's it was embarrassing to have such a statue on display so he got relegated to a box in a wardrobe | in 2007 i saved this statue from shameful oblivion n placed osorkon II into our garden paradise | i originally purchased the statue [head only] because i was once photographed outside of the cairo museum leaning against the sphinx style base of the statue

cigar porn

have just joined a cigar porn mens site online | just looking at a bloke with a stogie in his mouth bones me up no end | where is the source of this | what is the psycho sexual undergrowth for this fetish | have been lapping up the attention online which is fundamentally why i believe many of us put this kinda shit up on the internet | we all just want attention really n sometimes we just want attention from people who can only judge only us on our visual presentation to the world to confirm or establish that we are attractive to others | as miranda says in sex in the city . . . "sexy is what i want them to see after i wow them with my personality" . . . yeah right?

wendy

i kidnapped my friend wendy with my 4WD | commonly referred to, very commonly referred to as the balmoral mobile, off to mole creek | yes, there is such a place in tasmania | full of town bikes wearing far too much stretch fabric | what was to be a short & pithy breakfast in the freezing sunlight, cold overlooking an aesthetic stream turned into a 3 hr dialectic of human behaviour in relationships, workplaces, toxic workplaces, toxic people n how fantastically intuitive & intelligent we both are! | wendy & i are so good for each other because always after catching up with each others egos | we feel like we are the best humanity can throw at idiots | it usually takes about 2 days to crash land to earth n discover i am just as idiotic as everyone else | but heh . . . hanging onto the asteriod for 2 days is so damn buzzie

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by the way my youngest sister had a chicken called wendy . . .

tiaras

today autumn kelly married peter phillips | QEII's oldest grandson n grandchild | prime reason for my observation was to see which historical tiara the bride would wear | festoon tiara of princess anne's given to her in the early 1970's for launching a ship | ok ... i'll launch a ship for those rocks | now accepting offers . . .

tattoo

lying in bed with douglas last weekend a new idea for another text based tatt leaped out at me | combination of the traditional 'love death hate' mixed with contemporary male sub cultural sexual lingo | am experimenting with layout as a 'text wrap' around my right bicep | just enough to appear below the edge of a tshirt sleeve | inviting attention interest but not revealing everything immediately | a work in progress

slice my forrid

i expect this virtual asteroid to become an easy n intellectually voyeuristic outlet for the occasional mental epiphanies that slice my forrid in the shower once or twice a year | reminds me strongly of writing a story, a short novel or even those dreaded dirges of tertiary existence . . . the university essay . . . fuk | do i have vision for this . . . ummm . . . not yet . . . but like the question, how long is a piece of string . . . does there need to be answer? | will the asteriod crash into the shower screen n kill me . . .